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India Raven Isis
Keilantra Edgington West-Ley

Arrived 19 weeks early on 4th June 2005 at 22:05
Spread her tiny wings and flew on 4th June 2005 at 23:05

Mummy's little pixie
 Daddy's little princess 
Nyah's and Tor's guardian angel
please feel free to light a candle
to let us know that you have passed by

We had a dream, a dream of a happy family life, chris, me and baby.  Chris already has 2 sons from his marriage and new years eve 2004 we made our wish list for the new year, we wanted a daughter born at the start of the school year before the end of 2005. Kieran wanted a little sister so that he could look after her as she grew and be a big brother to her and Logan wanted a little sister so that he could play dollies with her.  For two years we had tried and each month we had the same result, one blue line appearing where we wished for two, that is except for February 17th 2005 when two very clear blue lines appeared on the testing strip, the beginning of our future was here at last, nevermore would we just want a child, we would hold one in our arms, we had already become parents to a very special little girl.  the following day the sickness started, i had severe hyperemesis and for the next 16 weeks i spent more time in hospital on a drip then i did at home, it wasn't all bad though, between the bags of fluid, venflons, anti-sickness injections and throwing up i got to see my baby on the screen on many occaisions and had a 4d scan that showed we would be having a baby girl due on 17th october. During the scan she had her legs crossed and refused to open them until near the end of the scan and had her hand up to her head so that we couldn't see her face, Chris named her India there and then in the car on the way home from the scan, he said he always wanted a little girl called India to whom he could show the world, well what could i say to that? he giggled cheekily and said i could choose her middle name so being a Poe fan i gave her the name Raven a couple of days later.  As the pregnancy wore on the sickness just did not stop, i was told it would go at 12 weeks, then 17 weeks and then i was told that i would probably have it all the way through, i suppose we just learned to live with it.  On the morning of 4th June i woke up and everything was completely normal, i'd been out of hospital for four days and was feeling pretty good, we had even been out together the night before for the first time since a became pregnant. i got up and everything was still normal, then i realised that i'd had a show.  We made what seemed like the world's longest journey to the hospital, it just seemed to take forever and all the way there i couldn't stop crying, i made chris repeatedly promise me that we weren't going to lose our baby girl, i was only 21 weeks pregnant and still had a long way to go, she couldn't be born yet, not our princess.  We gave her the name Isis in the car on the way to protect her and keep her safe and strong.  i got to the hospital and was checked over by a midwife and listened to India's heartbeat on the doppler, it wasn't a strong heartbeat but it was definately there.  The midwife told me that the registrar would need to come and examine me, which she did,  she didn't get very far into the examination when she stopped and the midwife and registrar just looked at each other, only for a second, but in that second i could read their faces very clearly,  In that second our whole world came crashing down around us, then everything seemed to happen in slow motion and the registrar said that she could see the membranes, i had gone into premature labour.  Now when i look back and re-live that day, which i do, every single day as i never want to forget a moment that i shared with her, everything from this point is very blurry, i remember wondering at the time if the drugs they would give me to stop the labour would stop me from being sick too as nothing else seemed to have worked. but they weren't going to give me drugs to stop it, they said there was nothing that they could do, they also said that there was nothing that could be done once India was born as she was under 24 weeks.  i couldn't understand how i could be in labour, as far as i was aware labour hurt, but i didn't have any pains.  my consultant arrived and it was at this point that we realised that we would never be going home holding our baby in our arms, if anybody could have done anything to save her then he would. it was then that i felt my first dull ache.  
Our baby had a heartbeat, we knew this because we had listened to it on the doppler when we arrived, now we were being told that there was nothing they would be able to do to save her, the labour would continue and she would be born naturally, tiny and perfect but as she was so young she would quietly slip away during the labour and wouldn't be in pain or suffer at all, just slip away peacefully like going to sleep, and then she would be written in my notes as a late miscarriage and would not have a birth certificate to say that she had ever been born. there was also a possibilty of her being born alive, but legally there would be nothing that they would be able to do to save her and she would die shortly after birth as her body was not developed enough to survive on its own.  At this moment we made our new wish list, we just wanted our daughter to live through the labour and be born alive so that she would have her birth certificate and death certificate and be a registered person and she would be there forevermore on the register of life, she meant so much to us that we couldn't bear the thought of her as a 'late miscarriage, to us she was a person, our precious daughter, our whole future that we had planned together included her, she was already a real person to us. As hard as it was to know that our baby was going to die, if she lived first then she would always have her space in the register.  We refused the doppler again and a scan as we knew that it was going to happen, but we just didn't want to know when, we were just clinging to the hope that she would be born alive and as long as we didn't know when, there was always that hope.  every moment she stayed in me was another precious moment that i shared with her,  i just did not want to let go of my daughter and held on and held on and i gave her all that i could but after 8 hours of labour, when i could hold her no more India was born into this world with just one heartbreaking push.  our princess was born that night at 22:05 weighing just 13 oz, measuring just 26cm long and with hands so tiny they would fit on your fingernail,  i heard the midwife say those magical words "she's gasping" and i looked to the end of the bed and there she was, the tiniest and most perfect little baby you could ever see, so beautiful, just so tiny that she looked like she would break if you touched her. i had the most immense rush of love towards her, it felt like my heart was going to burst and just wanted everyone else to get away from her, she was mine and i just wanted to hold her close to me.  if they could have done anything to save her, i remember thinking at that time that i wouldn't have let them and i meant it from my heart, just one look at her and you could see that being so tiny, if they did anything to try to save her then they would have only caused her pain and i loved her too much to let her suffer, she would have been whisked away from us the moment that she was born and she was so so tiny that you could see that they would have hurt her.  She was wrapped up in a blanket and placed in my arms, her life was very short but very peaceful, she was surrounded by the people that loved her most and saw her entry into this world, her parents and her grandparents, oh how my mum wanted me to have a little girl, her first granddaughter, she was so excited when we told her that we were having a girl that she went out and brought India her first pair of ballet shoes. 
Our precious, tiny baby girl didn't cry and didn't moan and didn't ever open her eyes, she lay there in my arms in the same position that she was in in most of her 17 week scan pictures with her legs crossed at her ankles and her right hand on her head, she looked so comfortable and we gave her the name Keilantra which means 'princess of the night'. 
Just an hour after she was born at 23:05, our perfect little princess died in my arms.

We never believed it could be possible to lose so much

She was buried on a Tuesday, it wasn't hot and it wasn't cold, and there was a light breeze in the air, but it was a day like no other, this was the day that our baby was going to be buried, both of us still could not comprehend the enormity of it, everything that we had now lost, our heads hurt from trying to take it all in, all that once was, was now never going to be, i can't describe how it felt, it was like having my heart torn from my body, and ripped into tiny pieces and scattered on the floor just out of reach, whilst my body was being pulled in 10 different directions at once and my stomach ached from thousands of invisible punches that it felt like it had received.  But here we were, standing in front of where she lay in her tiny coffin, our precious baby, and not being able to hold her and take care of her, not being able to make any more plans for her future and not being able to be the parents to her that we so desperately wanted to be, the only thing that we could do was stand there and say goodbye and this was goodbye to the most precious thing we had ever had, goodbye to our whole future, goodbye to our perfect princess.
 She had a huge fullsize child's coffin all to herself because we felt that we couldn't put something so tiny into such a huge hole in the ground, we picked  one for her that had pixies and fairies on it, it was just so so big compared to her, she could lie widthways in it and still have room to spare, although it still seemed so tiny and the hole so deep.   She was laid to rest in the Children's area of Rushden cemetary so that she could be with other angel children. We had a beautiful humanist ceremony of life at her graveside written and conducted by Nichola Dare to mark her entry into this world and to wish her farewell and at the end of the ceremony, everybody there let off 100 helium filled balloons each with a tag and cast evergreen into her grave. One balloon refused to make it over the fence so my uncle Pete who was absolutely determined that he was going to make it fly, took it away with him and loaded it into a hercules and released it out of the back somewhere over Wiltshire at midsummer.

Click here to see India Raven Isis Keilantra Edgington West-Ley's
Family Tree
Tributes and Condolences
Happy 2nd birthday princess   / Mummy, Daddy And Nyah
Our pretty little princesswho's 2 years old todayMummy and daddy miss youmore than words can ever sayWe'll hold onto you forever...Just in our dreamsHappy 2nd birthday princessWishing you chocolate cake and starsMummy, Daddy and Nyahxxxx
thinking ofyou and your family   / BETH DICKERSON (JIMMY'S MOM )
thank you for letting me be part of india life   / Selma Flynn
thank you for sharing your sweet angel with me i no bobby is taking good care of her sending much love to you sweet baby
Happy Birthday India!   / Melissa Eiler (Visitor~Daughter of Irwin & Renee Eiler )
Happy First Birthday Sweetheart   / Jenny Tavendale Mum To Ross
Happy first Heavenly Birthdaysweet India, sending love to yourprecious family and praying they will feel your special Angel Hugs
graphics from " GranGrans Animations "  / Kayleighs Nanny     Read >>
For mummy and daddy  / Irena Hill (UK)     Read >>
Family Chain  / Diane Cassidy- Angel Mom-katie     Read >>
A Poem for My Pixie  / Mummy     Read >>
@-->->----- / Tony, Janet, Amanda &. Michael Luyt (Great uncle, aunt and cousins )    Read >>
Sweet Baby  / Ashley's Mom     Read >>
JUNE 4  / SELMA FLYNN (NONE)    Read >>
princess / Tracy Evans (nana)    Read >>
so beauitful  / Cyane Clarke (auntie)    Read >>
More tributes and condolences...
Click here to pay tribute or offer your condolences
Her legacy
The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe  

First Published in 1845

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door;
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore?"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!"
Merely this, and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice:
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;
'Tis the wind and nothing more."

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning- little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered- not a feather then he fluttered
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "other friends have flown before
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
Of 'Never - nevermore'."

But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he hath sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore:
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted
On this home by horror haunted- tell me truly, I implore
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked, upstarting
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!- quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

India's Stone  

We wanted something more than just a wooden grave marker with her name on it to mark where she lays until we are able to erect her headstone.  The stone is marble and has been laser etched with text and her picture, it really is so beautiful to look at.  It was made in the UK by

India Raven Isis Keilantra's Photo Album
so tried for, so wanted, so loved, so tiny, so precious, so perfect, so missed
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